Sunday Advice Column #46

I’m currently on the road back to Oakland after a great weekend in the South of Califronia. We were down there for the Star Wars Half Marathon. The race runs through Disneyland and is really worth doing if you’re a fan of the franchise. 

The highlight for me was reconnecting with an old friend from my nightclub days, Miriam. It had been a few years since we had seen each other face to face. Like all great friendships, we picked up right where we left off. 

I did my usual zero training protocol. That’s not some weird program you haven’t heard of. I mean I did no actual training. Miriam also didn’t really train. But she also had never run more than three miles. Her pre-run meals the day  before consisted of an impressive tour of park food, none of it performance oriented. 

She crushed it. It was impressive. 

My knee and hip are in bad shape, so I’m going to rethink this whole no training deal. I still don’t think you need to do a lot of miles for a half, if you’re just looking to have fun, but mobility and weight training can’t hurt. 

Anyway, on to your questions. 

How should I select which character to cosplay and how committed should I be?

If you pick a character that has similar features to you, it’s going to be an easier sell. I saw a light skinned black dude with a skinny mustache as Lando Calrissian today and it was awesome. His costume was probably a B-, but his look made it a solid A overall. 

That shouldn’t restrict you through. Asian gender-bender Iron Man? Also great. Samoan Luke Skywalker? Do it. 

I think the ultimate decision should be how much you love the character and want to bring it to life. If you can get a killer costume together with exquisite detail, that’s how to do it. Just have fun. 

As far as commitment? Go hard or go home. 

What is the best car for a Star Wars fan?

What do you think they’ll do about Carrie Fisher in Episode 8 and 9?

I’ve heard that 8 is totally done. I’ve also heard that she was to be a huge part of 9. 

Personally, I’d like to see her status as a General explored. Imagine her smashing a rebel controlled Super Star Destroyer into whatever giant dumb weapon the First Order comes up with, killing her no good son, Millenial Vader. 

Whatever it is, it needs to be a righteous death befitting her level of heroism. 

Would you join the Empire or The Rebels?

Rebels all day. Fuck all fascists. Plus you get to hang out with weird aliens and wear whatever you want, unless you’re one of those sad bastards that wear the stupid long white helmet. Those guys always die. 

Is Luke or Han more heroic?

Han is the bigger hero. Luke is a messianic figure with the advantage of having magic powers. Everything he pulls off is because he inherited high level force powers from his dickhead father. 

Han doesn’t owe the rebellion anything, but he comes back and basically saves the day. He does the right thing, not because he’s the chosen one, he does it because he is a badass with a code. 

And no matter what you heard or saw, he shot that green nerd Greedo first. That’s how you do it. 


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