Urine a Tight Spot, CNN

chapelle

If the Trump Golden Shower story is true, I doubt it will do very much to him because we are in a post reason world. They had R. Kelly on tape with an underage girl and it didn’t even slow his popularity down a bit. Fame beats decency in the age of Kali Yuga.

Ultimately, would you really be surprised if a super rich creep was into hooker pee?

Everyone keeps saying it’s like the pig fucking episode of Black Mirror. I guess I can see why people would say that, but the dude who fucked the pig in that show ultimately did it to save someone, which is pretty damn noble. Everyone gets all brave with their “I would die for this cause” bravado, but wouldn’t fucking a farm animal be way less of a problem than dying?

There’s shame attached to it, but comedian Jim Norton has shown the way. Fly that freak flag high and you are untouchable. It’s just like the final battle rap in 8 Mile when Eminem laid out the case against himself and dropped the mic. If you don’t let it hurt you, it can’t hurt you. Fucking mind powers.

I’m DEFINITELY not defending Trump here at all, I’m just saying whatever he did isn’t as justified as fucking pig on TV to save a member of the Royal Family. My personal reaction to sleeping in a room where the Obamas stayed would be to immediately lay in the bed and see how high the thread count on the sheets was. I bet it’s awesome.

The only person who really would suffer in this piss exchange is the maid. If you’re into getting pissed on and it makes you happy, I can’t judge that. But there’s a special place in hell for people who make service industry workers’ lives harder.

If this story is not true CNN is fucked. They will have proven to everyone that they are in fact the #1 source of fake news. No one really expects much from the other outlet that ran big with this story, Buzzfeed. If CNN is wrong here, they just put themselves on the level of a blog that runs whiny pseudo-think pieces and celebrity gossip. CNN didn’t quite go as far as Buzzfeed, but they definitely cracked the door on this one.

Buzzfeed’s editor Ben Smith chose to ran the unsubstantiated (but not necessarily untrue) story with the reasoning that it should be up to Americans to decide. Asking Americans to decide something based on shaky stories and memes is basically why we have Trump, so…thanks?

The Russians are of course denying everything including that the do any spying at all. Putin is KGB for life so I’m pretty sure that one deserves a hefty amount of skepticism.

Trump is asking us to take the Russians at their word because they have dismissed the report. For real. The Russians who are totally not spying on us are to believed because they are defending Trump. Every single person in Red Dawn would be mad as hell at this shit. This is basically like watching Apollo Creed die in Rocky 4 and saying “well, he should’ve had his hands up.”

This is well beyond Black Mirror at this point. Hopefully we at least get a shaky night-vision video to laugh at before we all end up in FEMA camps.

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