Four Tools Every Werewolf Needs


I was feeling unmotivated to write tonight, so I decided to come up with a blog topic using a blog topic generator I found online. I’d link to it here, but it was clunky and way less fun than I’d hoped. It’s not nearly as useful as the Video Game Name Generator.

The site had me type in three nouns to generate a few topics. I typed in the words werewolf, money, fitness. The title of this blog post is the best option out of the offered. And it is dumb as hell. Silicon Valley, you lose on this one, you fucking nerds.

But, what? You want to know the four tools every werewolf needs? Jesus. What’s with all these damn nerds?

First, werewolves need stretchy fabrics. A loose tracksuit would be cool. I would either go with Ali G’s jumper or the classic Bruce Lee yellow Game of Death tracksuit. There’s no need to rip up your clothes, bro.

Second, werewolves need to own a bunch of land. Go here when it gets close to the full moon. If you want to make it easy for yourself, buy a few sheep and let them chill until you change. Hopefully eating them when you change will keep you from venturing a few miles down the road to eat the neighbor farmer.

Third, get a real wolf. Keep it in a cage and if something gets murdered while you’re wolfing about, let it out of the cage. Hopefully it will take the blame for your bullshit wolf appetite.

Fourth, you need a bodybag or something to bury all the shit you’ll need after you’ve been howling at the moon all night. Phone, wallet, that sort of thing.




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