Sunday Advice Column #35

alan1

Mrs. Lott and I went out to a major rager last night. Ghost Ship is a Halloween party that takes place in San Francisco each year. It’s put on by a Burning Man camp called Space Cowboys.

I know it’s trendy these days to hate on Burning Man, but I feel like not having been is a major fail of mine. I like crazy art, psychedelics, the desert, and scantily clad post-apocalyptic women. Yeah, some rich dick heads fly in and if you live on the West Coast, you’ve probably gotten an ear beating about how awesome it is from some hippy, but so what? If Ghost Ship is any indication, it looks fun as hell.

Hopefully I can make it out there next year. Mrs. Lott has basically refused to attend, so I will have to bring back enough enlightenment for both of us.

On to the questions!

What is something you hope to see happen before you die? 

For purely selfish reasons, I hope they figure out a way to Jurassic Park some T-Rexs. Either that or solve whatever’s going to kill me.

What is the best advice your mom/dad/grandparents/sibling/close relative ever gave you? 

I have received one sound piece of advice from my dad: do whatever you love, just make sure you make six figure doing it. I’m still not quite there.

What’s your take on a person you work with who never swears or curses? Are you suspicious? 

I’m pretty much the opposite of that person. As long as they don’t shoot the building up and do their work, they can live their life however they want. Lately I’ve been considering a “no cursing challenge.” The only real negative to swear words is you can become dependent on them. It’s probably a good idea to go on a cursing fast every once in a while, just so you are forced to come up with more creative ways to express vulgarity.

What has Fight Club taught you? 

This movie/book had a tremendous amount of influence on me. I was just the right age for it when it came out. It’s for sure the reason I got into martial arts. Palahniuk’s interviews about writing no matter what shitty job you have (he was a diesel mechanic when he wrote Fight Club) were very influential.

More than anything, I think it made me see through consumerism at an early age. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not an ascetic angel or anything. I still like having a few things. However I still don’t own very much stuff. Even as homeowners, Mrs. Lott and I have very little in the way of possessions for people of our age and income.

Is it weird that I don’t want to have kids? That I don’t want to “keep the bloodline going”, or having a “living legacy”? 

For most people this is super weird. Personally, I’m opting out, too.

What’s the best way to get rid of a horrible, disrespectful, dirty, messy, weird, angry, noisy roommate?

Just tell them to move out. If they don’t want to leave, lawyer up.

If you could be on any TV game show what would you be best at? 

I feel like I could’ve been pretty good on Fear Factor. Being on Jeopardy looks fun. My dream was always to do Nickelodeon’s five-minute Toys-R-Us sweep. My plan was to run straight to the video games section and start loading up.

What does being naked in a dream mean? 

The “what does this dream mean” websites seem united that this has something to do with feeling vulnerable or shame. It would probably depend on if you were into it or not in the dream. Like, if you were all “DICK’S OUT FOR HARAMBE” dancing around butt-naked and acting wild, then it’s probably cool.

 

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