Three Things to Do if Trump Becomes President


PART 1: The Rant 

Most of the social feeds today are filled with the latest foul spillage from the Trump campaign. It looks like Darth Orange has finally said something that will sink his campaign. Except it probably won’t. Because people are dumb.

His forceful, unwanted groping and putrid advances against anyone with a vagina and a smaller bank account are repellant and we are right to be disgusted. However, this is not unique to him and no one can honestly claim surprise. In my opinion, this isn’t even the worst of Trump, by a long shot. His palpable ignorance on any important subject that qualifies him to lead is far more egregious than what he said, which isn’t even incorrect.

Having a ton of money and power does allow people like him to act like creeps because they are rarely called out. And when they are, they escape punishment.

Bartending is an odd profession, and as much as I hated it, it allowed me to see people for what they really are: foul animals who are only as kind and loyal as their options force them to be. I’ve worked parties where the ultra-rich behaved like a horny Kubrickian cult. I’ve heard insanely anti-semitic  shit come from the mouths of people who no doubt thought I was basically a serf, but an ally (I’m 50% Jewish by blood, so no). At one private party, a man offered me his college aged daughter. It was tempting, but since I was already married, I said no.

What we are seeing with Trump is the same wealth empowered perversion observed throughout history. This is the entitled decadence of Pope John the XII. A toddlerized version of the cruelty of Saddam’s sons. He is a television bad guy and people love him for it. And if you hate him, then he’s a great boogeyman.

It’s unfortunate, but I think people secretly want to be ruled. They want to be controlled by sinister forces because their own tap-water bland sins are made minor by the domination. But here’s the thing. If most Americans could get away with grabbing dicks and pussies they would.

You might not be out grabbing pussy, but if you were suddenly as rich as Trump claims to be, I doubt you’d be a saint. Think about what happens when people become suddenly rich and famous or win the lottery. It hardly ever goes well. It’s possible that money and power over others is too much for primate cortexes to withstand.

Are all rich people creeps? Probably not, but I think when a human gets to a certain level of power their psychology changes. They are armored against average tragedies and law enforcement outcomes by their wealth. Their concerns become different. Their options are more open and free of consequence.

But that doesn’t excuse Trump. No one should be excused. We should be sharpening guillotines right now.

A popular counter argument used by Trump’s minions is that we have already had several gropers in the White House. Bill Clinton’s dalliances are well documented. If Colin Powell is to be believed, he is “still dicking bimbos.” And if you enjoy historical fornication, you can always dig into the Kennedys. These oligarchic royal families behave with the same indiscretion as any terrible ruling family may have in the past. They simply had the manners to conceal their appetites as best they could. If there’s one lesson from Wikileaks, it’s that transparency is coming for everyone.

I don’t agree with blaming Hillary for Bill’s predatory behavior. There’s something sloppy about that argument. She certainly did attack alleged rape victims, though. And she was the head of the “bimbo eruptions” task force. Personally, I like that she stood by and helped protect her husband. If Mrs. Lott ever did anything terrible I would be there for her no matter what she did. In sickness and health, until the wheels fall off.

However, I think Clinton should recuse herself from any conversation about protecting women. What she did certainly enabled her husband’s behavior.

Another thing people might say is something like: at least Trump is open about what kind of goblin he is. This is a man who is proud of seducing married women and fucking over small business people. Those two things alone make him unfit for anything but the cruel boots of a mob.

However, if you read what ex-secret service men say about Clinton and you read the contents of her recently hacked banker speech notes, you begin to see a pattern of duplicity.

Look, I’m not a tin foil hat type, so until someone actually gets Clinton on something with a smoking gun, I won’t call her “as bad as Trump” or a “criminal.” But I have a seriously good bullshit detector and if you add up Benghazi, the emails, the failed policy that helped raise ISIL/ISIS, the Clinton Cash, all the Arkansas real estate shit, and whatever else, you start to get a feeling (or at least I do) that we really could do better for candidates.

Trump is a hall of fame bad presidential candidate. No serious person should vote for him. Voting for Trump is the electoral version of “hey hold my beer and watch this.”

Now that I’ve said all that, let’s get to the rest.

PART 2: What You Should Do 

No candidate is going to save you. Even a Trump presidency isn’t going to change your life that much. It’s up to you to make the next four years better. It’s you who have the ability to look for a better job. You can control how much garbage you stuff in your face and how much you exercise.

Your friendships will thrive or starve based on what you put into them. You can create  less trash. You can resist getting into debt. You can help strangers. You can read books. You can feed homeless people. You can open doors for people carrying things or just because it’s a nice gesture.

If everyone did the following three things, they would make this country great, even with the tiny hands of the Orange Demon Turd on the hands of the wheel. Here they are:


This is way easier than you think it is, but it requires total discipline. Make a budget, and stick to it. Spend less than you make. Look for opportunities to earn more, even and especially if they are challenging.

As many of you know, I love Dave Ramsey and his book The Total Money Makeover. Mrs. Lott and I set our money on fire for years under the assumption we would always have debt and die poor. We followed Ramsey’s boring, simple, tedious, but effective plan and now we are not just out of debt, we are likely to retire wealthy. It’s simple to do, but not always easy.

When you have control of your finances, everything else will become easier.

If you think you can’t do what we did, you are wrong. When you listen to Ramsey’s podcast you hear all these people from all over the country calling in to talk about how much debt they paid off while working at bullshit jobs alike Wal-Mart. Quit making excuses. You can save your money. You can make more money.

Sometimes it’s not fun to live this way. I really, really want a new motorcycle. Like right now. But I have to pay cash for it, which means it’s going to take a little while. Every single time I think about buying some bullshit on Amazon or eating out at a crappy restaurant that’s convenient I ask myself, “do I want this more than a motorcycle?” If the answer is no, my wallet stays in my pocket.

Financial planning is basically just figuring out what you want, how much it will cost, and plotting a way to get there. The hard part is protecting your plan from your weakness. But you can grow strong.


When people invite you someplace go. If it doesn’t fit in your budget, don’t use that as an excuse to stay home, come up with a cheaper way to hang out. I went over and sat in my friend’s backyard last night. The weather was great and I didn’t spend any money. It was awesome.

Talk with your family. Call people you like. Make time to be present with those who matter. When you make an effort, other people will make an effort. What you want to be is like those old people who have jam packed social calendars. The are always happy and pretty mobile. It’s related to their activity.

When people play shows or write books or make podcasts, support them (you can go rate Scary Thoughts on iTunes). If their kid is playing T-ball, go and watch, it’s really not much more boring than regular baseball. Go to birthdays and BBQs and christenings and whatever.

Obviously, saying yes to your friends can put you in conflict with your financial goals. All you have to do is set an amount you can spend and stick to it. And talk with your friends about what you’re doing. Share the results. Sometimes our broke friends give us a hard time for being so careful with money, but in a few years we will be rich and they will still be fucking up.

And don’t be afraid to prioritize certain friendships. I see people waste time on bullshit acquaintances all the time while their true friendships dissolve and grow dusty. Old friends are best.


Diet and fitness gurus have made this way more complicated than it needs to be. You already know what to eat and what not to eat. If you feel like a tired loser after you eat something, it’s bad for you. If you feel good and energetic for hours after you eat something, it’s good for you. Take away the bad and add the good.

For exercise, most people can do fine walking 2-3 miles a day. This is pretty much a 30 minute activity, combine it with audiobooks and you will get smarter, too. Or call your family, catch up. Throw in some basic pushups and squats and you’ll probably slow down getting fatter for years.

Make your gym and exercise part of your social life and it’s even easier. Pick something you enjoy doing that gets you sweaty. Do this a few times a week. That’s it. If you want to do something more intense, go for it.There are thousands of yoga and bodyweight circuit training videos online for free. Pick a few and do them. It’s easy.


If everyone was more careful and intentional with their money, made time for friends, and ate a little better, we would see poverty, crime, and obesity rates go way down. With everyone so happy and fit, we might see an uptick in pregnancies, but if these kids are happy, who cares?

This shit is so simple. Anyone reading this can do it. You don’t have to be perfect. Just be consistent. Success is addictive and pretty soon you might find yourself going further than you even imagined.

We have the power to Trump proof America.


1 Comment

  1. I see your point, but I do not agree that human’s by nature are bad. Without getting into a philosophical debate, I believe they are just ignorant and entitled. What they are ignorant of, is empathy. And our technological advances latley have only exassperated this fact. WIth more anonymity, power and less knowledge, of course a person will choose to only serve themselves. But this does not fill that huge hole in our hearts. Only Allah can…jk. But there are many theories as to what can fill that hole inside all of us. I have mine, but I basically I think man is good. But of course if you reduce us to our survival instincts, we of course will regress. Also,it takes longer than 30 minuets to walk 2 or 3 miles. Overall great article! Look forward to mas.

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