Sunday Advice Column #28


It’s 9/11. I think it would be wrong not to mention the date in some way and the events of 15 years ago. I was living in San Francisco, life was going fine, I had just met Mrs. Lott.

The morning of the attacks was like any other. I was headed to open up at the lunch shift of the bar I worked at. My phone rang. It was my mom telling me to turn on the TV because we were at war. I flipped the TV on and saw what everyone else saw.

I hadn’t seen any of the footage of the towers falling for a while. I spent about an hour yesterday watching videos. It leaves you cold inside to see so many people falling out of buildings. To see firemen covered in ash. Women in business suits covered in blood, crying.

The wars that followed didn’t go so well. Now we have to worry about these cultist fucks all over the place. I don’t really have anything too bright to add to that point. If I could, I’d put a bullet between the eyes of every single ISIS/Al Qaeda/Whatever sympathizer on this planet. But that’s untested tough talk that won’t really do anything or make things better.

Hopefully the next 15 years will be kinder, because the last 15 have been fucked.

On to the questions.


Should I get a dog? They seem really fun.

They are a lot of money to keep and take up quite a bit of your time if you’re treating them well. I walk our little beasts two or three times a day. That combined with feeding time, half-assed attempts to train them, and whatever mess they cause means I average about 45 minutes to one hour a day with them.

If you want to go on a trip, you have to either find someone to watch them or pay someone to watch them. In the Bay Area it’s not uncommon for boarding to be $50 a day. Vet bills can add up, too. One little fox-tail cost us $600. Before you get a dog you should put $1000 aside for the eventual series of emergencies you will have to pay for.

If I was on my own, I would not have dogs. They’re sweet and I surely love my little goblins, but they are cramping my style big time.

So, I’m pretty fresh out of a big breakup and not really looking for anything just yet. I’m in my late 20s, and definitely want a serious relationship again at some point, but probably shouldn’t go to hard just yet. I also, recently, met a barback/bartender who flirted me up and didn’t charge my friend and I for more than half of the drinks we had at the bar, which happens to be one of my favorites in the city. I left my card, but haven’t heard back just yet… should I pursue this thing? … did I mention he’s really hot?
There’s a lot to respond to here so let’d go in order. Single. Late 20s. Just broken up. This is an interesting age because it’s sort of go time if you want a family and all that, but you’re still young enough to want to have a good time and enjoy some romance. I think some sort of mid-season fling could be a great reset as long as you don’t burn up too much time. You might miss out on meeting someone great.
It’s good that you know you’re looking for a serious relationship. When you start to get to know someone, that should be on the table.
Bartenders will often buy drinks for women they want to sleep with. If he’s not calling back, he may have a girlfriend or something. I used to get numbers across the bar when I worked in nightclubs and I’d never call them after I was in a relationship. But it was fun to get them and it was fun to flirt.
If you’re looking for a serious relationship, my initial reaction was to say “hell no” to a bartender as a possibility. But the industry has changed in the last half decade since I retired. The generation of bartenders I worked with were the last of the brutal ones. We were cruel, arrogant, and mean. It was understood a customer had to earn the respect of the bartender by obeying the rules of the bar and tipping.
Now all these soft motherfuckers and their goofy ass cocktail menus have taken over. You can’t fight customers anymore because of Yelp and YouTube and lawsuits. So maybe this dude is different. Probably not, but maybe.
What are the social obligations related to running into a one-night stand in, say, a grocery store?
If it was fun and you both had a good time, you should be nice and say hello. They see you, you see them. Pretending otherwise is weird. Complications to consider are whether or not you said you’d call (and didn’t) or if you’re with a new (or old) lover when you run into them. If you cheated, run.
Why do so many more women hit on me now that I have a wedding ring?
I had heard about this phenomenon around the time I got married. There was sort of an uptick in interest from women who noticed it, but it was usually something conversational like “you look too young to be married.”
Some of the older, wiser bouncers I worked with said it’s because some women have a home-wrecker fetish. They maintained it’s as common as dudes wanting to sleep with two chicks at the same time.
My ex wants to be friends. Should we be? 
In my opinion, not for years, if ever. At least if your break ups go how mine did.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s