Against Gender Neutral Bathrooms

In the future, there are only Transylvanians

The words “gender neutral” bug the shit out of me. What a weak, bureaucrat combo. It sounds like they’re going for a genderless, flat fronted Ken & Barbie nightmare world of sexless drones. It’s not worthy of Conan, Red Sonja or anything in between. How can you even be excited about dropping a deuce in a place with such an uninspiring name?

I always say, the couple that slays together, stays together.

I say we go for Total Gender bathrooms. Like they had in Starship Troopers. Balls and titties out all day. Oh, I can hear your flaccid objections now, “what about the kiddies?” There’s a solution for that: child only bathrooms.

Those little amateur humans are fucking disgusting anyway, let them smear shit and spread ringworm to each other in the comfort of their own easily hosed down spaces. If it’s your kid, you can go in to assist, but you assume all the risks of potential biohazards. If an adult tries to enter a child only bathroom, he or she or they or whatever immediately goes on the sex offender registry.

You can never be too safe when you’re protecting children.

Paul Veerhoven’s vision of the future is acceptable to me.

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