The Calculus of Hatred


Tell someone you’re uneasy with Muslim Jihadists and you’ll hear about the Inquisition or Catholic pedophiles. Blame it all on religion and you’re inviting an ear beating about Hitler and Mao, apparently they were part of the New Atheism before it began.

You always hear how everything in America was hunky-dory until 1492. Except it wasn’t. There were tribal wars all across the continent and human sacrifices headlined at Aztec pyramids for centuries. Columbus was an all time great dickhead. Yet we still have a holiday named after his ass, even though he’s probably roasting in hell for what he did.

There are more slaves in the world now than there were in America before the Civil War. A lot of them are working at massage parlors, but comedians who’d be too scared to make a race comment still make rub & tug jokes.

All these religious fetishes and political positions are excuses for humans to get back to the murderous savagery they were evolved to perpetrate. Every culture murders when it can. You’re either behind the trigger or your hands are up. History is full of reversals, so you should probably just walk away. If not, make sure your aim is true and go after all the first-born male heirs. You can’t be too careful. It’s how chimpanzees, our closest relatives, rock it. Or maybe that was the Mongols. I can’t remember which.

Koba was, in my opinion, the hero of Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

The thing is we’re all connected. We have loyalties and hostilities that overlap like hateful Venn diagrams. If I’m a Giants fan who went to Stanford, should I hate that Dodgers fan as much because they went there too? What if he’s a Giant’s fan that went to Cal? What if we both like Indian food? What if he’s a Palestinian and I’m a Jew? What if our wives are friends?

America is going through it on a macro scale. We have an old coot that wants to take your money so some losers can go to college for free, a criminal career politician who no one really likes, and a buffoonish billionaire who has zero conservative credentials and will likely crack open the Seventh Seal and send us all into the gaping maw of whatever Ancient Evil awaits our species.


These assholes don’t really represent anyone I know, but everyone has chosen a side. You may as well punch your neighbor in the dick over whether or not Iron Man is better than Captain America.

You see the best solidarity when people are up against the wall. Recall Full Metal Jacket. Those Marines called each other every kind of triggering name in the book. The real dudes they were based on did the same and had each other’s backs. We should all be able to get behind icing those twelfth century douchebags in ISIS, but apparently that’s too much to ask. The imbeciles currently setting their money on fire at liberal arts colleges all across America might get upset at the cultural insensitivity or some other nonsense Chomsky said.

Here’s my advice. Be cool and don’t focus on the differences. Affirm the similarities. Everyone loves pizza and everyone hates Comcast. Let’s start there and build a new world.



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