The Whale’s Vagina


San Diego is one of my favorite cities. It’s warm, it’s clean, and they park cool looking battleships in the water. The first time I came here I was driving from San Francisco to Cabo San Lucas on a Vespa.

I was with three other guys and we stayed at one of their friend’s houses. The hosts were Straight Edge guys and they ran some kind of skateboard company out of their house. If I remember correctly, they were all vegetarians. It was kind of a live work commune, which seemed like a cool way to live.

My wife used to come down here to work during her energy drink peddling days. I think I’ve been down at least twice for that. Once we actually got a few hours at the San Diego Zoo. Normally the idea of caging up a bunch of wild animals seems sad to me, but this zoo is badass and huge, like this monkey.

Collar popped, bitches.

I’d never seen Galapagos tortoises before that day. Those cold-blooded little bastards are about as cool as it gets. They look like dinosaurs that decided to turn themselves into football helmets for bigger dinosaurs. A weird little thing they don’t teach you in high school is that they hiss loudly when they’re trying to have sex, like vampires from True Blood. 

One of my favorite trips down here was back in around 2006 when I came to run the Camp Pendleton Mud Run with a bunch of people from Crossfit Oakland. This was in the early days of Crossfit and the training wasn’t nearly as dialed in as it is now. The Mud Run used to be pretty tame back then, too. The average Tough Mudder looks to be way more challenging and painful.

We completely overtrained for things like jumping obstacles and climbing walls, but did zero running. In hindsight, this wasn’t such a terrible strategy, our team finished pretty well, but it made me start to re-consider the value in sport specific training. A few years later, Crossfit Endurance emerged, showing that at least a little bit of running is helpful.

9000/lb deadlift. 14:30/mile marathon pace

Anyway, I’m going to cut this one short as I’m headed to a wedding in a couple of hours and I have to go shopping because I forgot to pack the clothes I was going to wear (I do have my sweet camo sweatpants, though). Our friends are finally getting hitched and I finally get to attend a gay wedding. Hopefully there will be some gay hymns.

I actually really love weddings. Being married has been such a great part of my life and I totally cheer for people getting hitched. The world is hard and cold and it helps to go through it with someone you like and can depend on.

Dearly departed, we are gathered…




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